These days, Nelly is usually hurting you… and your future love life. According to positive psychology, your modern dating brain desperately needs you to be friends with Polly. Our brains are built to protect us. We scan for danger, we remember what hurt us, and we try to avoid pain…

While our dismissive-avoidant heroines are capable of changing the world with their talents, they may also struggle with understanding what “secure” really means in modern dating. — A feminist, an attachment theorist, and a dating coach walk into a singles bar… This piece is so very close to my slightly dismissive-avoidant heart. …

Online dating platforms are transforming right before our eyes — or rather, our AI avatar’s eyes. Here’s how we cope with the uncertainty of reality when trying to find our life partners. This article was written entirely by me, sitting on the couch with the sliding door open for a…

How to get out of work mode and into a positively charged date with great conversation. — How do I stop dates from feeling like interviews? This question is thrilling for me to tackle because it begs the question — what’s the difference? Interviews start off with a power dynamic. Someone is being hired and someone is doing the hiring. The decision making power is initially in…

Most checklists set you up for disappointment. Change it up and go on the best dates of your life. — Quick Observables vs. Core Values It’s not that checklists are a terrible thing, but they do make dating coaches uneasy. In my world, I’ve noticed checklists contain two different kinds of items — quick observables and core values. Quick observables are easy to digest and even easier to make fast judgments about — what does…

When it comes to finding your partner, it’s not a build-a-bear situation. — Hefty Bag Needed I love it when dating themes present themselves in clusters. I talk to a lot of daters day in and day out, and some weeks I’m weighted down with a particularly troubling theme that seems to be coming out of every conversation. Lately, it’s been incredibly long and nuanced dating…

Such an important conversation and I like being challenged to think about this as a dating coach and matchmaker. I ask folks about their "attraction" all the time and it never ceases to amaze me how uncomfortable people get talking about race/ethnicity/skin color. Thanks for the read and research!

And this may sting — sometimes that’s a Hallmark card. — We’re heading toward Valentine’s Day, and holy Cupid, what a holiday. A lot of folks have feelings about this holiday —which is fitting, being that the holiday is about really big feelings. Some of you are all boo’d up and feeling the pressure to perform, others are ready to pamper…

You can’t get away with the same things when you’re dealing with professionals. — My dear daters, you’ve all done it. Or you’ve had it done to you. Likely both. I know this with certainty. As a singles coach, I hear the stories and tales of woe regularly. I had my own share of it when I was dating as well. …